Category: Strengths

Reaching Out for Assistance is a Sign of Strength – Not Weakness

One of my clients recently commented about the energy it takes to just get through the day. It’s clear that people with ADHD often have to dig deep to find the wherewithal and motivation to just keep going, one step at a time.

I often see resilience develop with people with ADHD … in order to do what is theirs to do, people see what is in front of them, take a deep breath, get started and just keep going. It’s exhausting. It’s admirable. It’s time-consuming. And it often works.

Sometimes, though, the gap is just too wide between what the world is requiring of us (our classes, our job, our family, or our health) and what we can do on our own. It’s at that point that we can benefit from the help of others, whether that is a tutor, a mentor, a health professional – or an ADHD coach.

It’s not weakness to seek assistance. Quite the contrary, it takes courage and trust to reach out for needed help. It always inspires me when someone is proactive and contacts me after recognizing that too-wide gap between expectations and performance.

Sometimes we know what we need to do to reach our goals. And we need to “just” put one foot in front of the other with the resources that we have. But, at other times, we can get overwhelmed and the path (or maybe even the goal) is not clear. We might have difficulty with procrastination, prioritization, time management, focus, or follow through that gets in the way of our forward movement. That’s when reaching out is appropriate.

With needed assistance, people can more easily do what needs to be done. People are more successful, frustration and overwhelm lessen, and there’s an upward spiral of confidence, motivation, achievement, and well-being.

ADHD coaching can often be a game changer as people develop the skills, strategies and tools that allow them to thrive with ADHD. Contact me for a complimentary consultation to see if ADHD / executive function coaching is the next best step for you.

Lead With Your Strengths

You build a life on your talents and strengths – what is good and right about you – not on your weaknesses, however skillfully they might be corrected. Dr. Edward Hallowell, Delivered From Distraction

Can you name your personal strengths? When asked that question, most people stumble for an answer. A 2001 study in the U.K found that only about 1/3 of the people can identify their own strengths. We can safely assume that the numbers are greatly reduced for people with ADHD.

It’s frustrating to have one’s ADHD weaknesses and challenges come to mind much more easily than one’s strengths and gifts. It’s no wonder, really, as ADHD challenges seem to be ever present, somehow overshadowing the strengths that we bring to the world.

Advantages of Using Strengths

Despite people’s perhaps natural tendency to orient toward weaknesses, we know through research that people who use their strengths are happier, more confident, have higher levels of self-esteem, have more energy and vitality, experience less stress, are more resilient, are more likely to achieve their goals, perform better – and are more engaged – at work, as well as being more effective at developing themselves and growing as individuals. (A. Linley, J. Willars and R. Biswas-Diener, The Strengths Book)

It Starts With Awareness

To a certain extent, focusing on the negative is a survival technique ~ we need to be aware of the lion that is about to pounce. However, after a lifetime of frequent frustration and challenges, focusing on the negative can become a habit. Fortunately, we can change habits that don’t serve us – and it starts with awareness.

Identify Your Strengths

So how do you move forward? The first step is to identify your strengths; you can do so by taking the free 15-minute VIA Survey. Taking the survey will move you toward recognizing, appreciating and remembering your strengths so you can build on them for more and more success.

If we can be of assistance as you identify and use your strengths in new and different ways, contact us at info@FocusForEffectiveness.com.

What Are Your “Magic Wand” Wishes?

If you had a magic wand, and you could – with one touch of this magic wand – give yourself the strategies, the skills, the insight or the appreciation that would serve you, what would your magic wand wishes be?

As individuals with ADHD have very unique combinations of strengths and challenges, the answers vary from person to person, but typical responses include:

  • focus without constant distraction
  • stop procrastinating and start on things that need to be done
  • actually finish what I start
  • prioritize
  • get organized
  • keep track of things that I have to do
  • keep track of my belongings (phone, keys, glasses, etc.)
  • get to places or get stuff done on time
  • understand and accept my ADHD
  • keep going when things get tough
  • use my gifts rather than being stopped by my ADHD challenges
  • not be ruled by my impulses
  • have more confidence in myself

The magic wand question is a good one to ask yourself.  What do I really want?  What ADHD traits would I like to get a handle on?  What would make me happier and more efficient?  What would allow me to flourish with ADHD?

And then, with a coach, a friend, or your own wise counsel, take a breath and begin planning how to realize those desires.

Don’t try to change everything at once, and recognize that it’s probably best to start small so you can sustain the changes.  Those small successes create a self-reinforcing positive spiral that allow you the momentum to keep adding habits that work for you.

So what are your magic wand wishes?  Feel free to comment below.  And if we can be of assistance in helping you plan how to realize your magic wand wishes, contact us at info@focusforeffectiveness.com.

Work With Your Strengths, Values and Passions

In this Venn diagram there are three intersecting circles where your strengths, values and passions might be written.

intersecting circles and flowIn the circle on the bottom are the things you do well – the many strengths that you have, the things that people compliment you on, and the things about yourself that you might feel most proud.

In the circle on the top left are the things that are important to you – your values, the meaning or purpose in your life. It could be love, service, supporting a cause that you feel strongly about – there is no right or wrong here. It’s what drives you.

In the circle on the top right are the things that you love to do – your interests, your passions, and for those with ADHD, sometimes the things that you find yourself doing instead of what you set out to do. These are the things that you would do for free, but hopefully get someone to pay you for.

The place where the circles intersect is where people are most happy, at their best and most successful – and this is where our ADHD challenges don’t show up as readily, if at all.

Think about it: You are doing what you love to do, you are really good at it and it’s important to you. You are happy. You lose track of time. You are rocking it, whatever “it” is. And it feels good.

Have you ever been on the field and just zoned in on the ball, perhaps surprising yourself or others about how focused and determined (and successful) you are? Have you ever been visited by your muse when you are doing something creative, and the words or images flow seemingly without effort?

Positive psychologists would call this the state of “flow“ but you might call it “being in the zone,” “totally immersed,” or “in the moment.” It’s this place where you are obviously at your best – it’s no coincidence that this is also the place where your “ADHD shadow” is the smallest. You might call this high noon for the ADHD shadow, where the shadow exists, but it isn’t very apparent to yourself – or to others.

So recognizing that we all have our moments of flow, the question is: How can arrange our lives so that we are more engaged, more successful, and happier more of the time?

Ask yourself:

  • What is important to me?  What do I value most highly?
  • What are my strengths?  What do I do particularly well?
  • What really interests me?  What do I feel passionate about?

The answers to those questions will help you find ways to have more “in the zone” moments where you are at your best – and able to do your best.

And, of course, if we can be of assistance to you as you strive for more of those positive moments, contact us at info@FocusForEffectiveness.com.